My Tourniquet
by EMiH
Summary: A one shot story for Inuyasha's point of view on his demonic spirit. A song fic using "My Tourniquet" from Evanescence... read and find out how it applies to his tale!


A/N: Aloha my fellow readers! Alright... yes I know once again you're curious and may be asking yourselves, "Why the HELL is she writing something else when she has yet to finish her other stories?!?!?!?" The answer is simple: Writer's block... ^^;; I am terribly sorry, but I have been unable to get into any of my stories for both fanfiction.com and fictionpress.net

I truly am sorry for all of those who are waiting for updates on any story I am currently working on... I wish there was some way I could repent for taking so long? *shrugs* So, to make up partially for my absence, I have decided to try something new. Because I am so totally in love with the band Evanescence (don't get any awkward ideas!!!! ¬_¬;), I have decided to take a song and place it with each character in the Inuyasha cast- well, erm... a good portion of them that is. ^^;; I'm already planning everything out, so it should be interesting. And like I said, definitely new for me.

I'm also trying a different point of view– first person! Something I have never really done before... so bear with me on that. Otherwise, I say this story is pretty damn awesome if I do say so myself! It hits more on the tragic side of Inuyasha and his demonic soul within him.... hence the whole _Angst/Tragedy_ genre... lmao. Anyway, it is a tragedy... *sniff* Once again something new... but I'll shut up now and let you read!! Tell me how it is, and please review! If this one turned out good, then I shall continue with the rest of the cast!!!

Disclaimer: I do not have the privilege of owning Inuyasha... *sighs ans sniffles* though I think I should.... !! ^^;;

Nor do I own the totally kick ass song "My Tourniquet" from Evanescence. THEY ROCK!!!

Now... onto the story... ^^;;;;

  


My Tourniquet 

An Inuyasha Angst story

I don't feel like I should be. Everything is spinning, lost in a mirror image of chaos. Am I supposed to be experiencing these unrecognizable emotions? Could they be a warning of my future?

But this pain... within my breast... unlike any other. I feel... I feel this warmth, a liquid type of warmth. I see- but I can't!

My eyes are clouded, but with what? Weaker. That is part of this feeling. Weakness- something I, Inuyasha, cannot handle well.

Fear.

It seems to dwell within the depths of my soul. But I don't feel fear! I am not afraid, for I am a demon. I don't hold images of terror in my mind, for I am a hanyou. I don't carry the burden of fright, for I am a beast that does not have a heart, therefore I cannot be afraid.

A beast without a heart. That's what I am. Everyone acts that way, so I must be of that caliber. Do I want to? Of course not... who would?

It devours my very soul, this beast within me. That is why I must free myself of it's clutches, and try to kill the pain, bringing my desires.

But... 

_"Inuyasha!"_

Kagome... she's my.. my strength.

But once again, I feel this pain... this warmth... this liquid warmth... and somehow it threatens to stop everything..

But...

_"Inuyasha! I like you as a hanyou."_

Kagome... she's my everything... my reason for living... I can't just say she never existed!

But why won't this pain leave me? My lungs are... are almost collapsing– I can't breathe well; it's so hard to. My body is screaming... screaming for freedom. I'm being pulled under, and I can't rise again.

Kagome...

_"Inuyasha!"_

Kagome... my savior... my angel... my tourniquet....

_"I tried to kill the pain  
But only brought more"_

I can't save myself from this pain... it's eating me alive. The darkness within my soul threatens to overcome my body, taking away my very sanity. In a sense, I wish for it to... then the full fledged demon shall take over- but it has, and now I am left like this.

_"I lay dying  
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal_"

Am I... dying? So much blood.. I can feel it pouring from me. I lift my hand to my chest, and I feel nothing but a crimson warmth.

My regret and betrayal is what seethes from my wounds, pouring out as if to make a statement. All I have done in this demonic state returns to haunt me, and it desires to steal my life. My spilling blood is not enough to repent for the regret and betrayal I have caused, but should it be?

_"I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
Am I too lost to be saved  
Am I too lost?"_

I am dying. My soul is departing.

I am praying, wishing for another chance to remain with my savior.

I am bleeding, the crimson sorrow, regret, and betrayal seething from my wounds as a suffering quality I must face.

I am screaming, calling out the name of the one whom can save me.

But is it too late? Can my soul still be retained from this hell it has been bestowed into?Am I too lost to be found once more?

No.... Kagome... My Tourniquet...

_"My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation"_

Kagome shall return to me salvation, for she is the only one who continues to believe in me, to hold a strong faith for me. Even after everything so far, Kagome stands by me. She shall be the one to return my salvation.

_"Do you remember me  
Lost for so long_"

But wait... will she remember me? Will she see the Inuyasha she has always known through these hell forsaken eyes of mine? Have I been lost too long in this damned demonic form? I could never be forgotten, not by my tourniquet- but have I?

_"Will you be on the other side  
Or will you forget me_"

Will she be on the other side? When I return to my freedom, where I can remain with her for all eternity, will she still be there? Or has she moved on? Has she forgotten about my very existence and has chosen to spend her life with that damn highschool boy Hojo?

Was my suffering and pain not enough to show her that I care?

This damned demonic strength growing within me has driven everyone away as I lay here dying....

_"I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
Am I too lost to be saved  
Am I too lost?"_

I am dying, and I continue to die alone as I wait for my never returning Tourniquet.

I am praying that my one true savior still stands strong for me.

I am bleeding as my life slips away from this fucking planet, fading into an eternal hell.

I am screaming as no one seems to hear me, no one wishing to hear me, no one giving a damn about my exile.

I am too lost, aren't I? I can no longer be found as this pain swallows me whole. My insides turn and twist like nothing before. The pain, oh the pain. I can't hold on much longer. If this never ending suffering persists, my only wish shall be death.

If I can't hold my Tourniquet, then what is the point of thriving?

_"My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation"_

Kagome, please stay strong for me?! Wipe away my tears, chase away my fears, hold back the pain for many more years. Save me from this damned suffering. Bring my soul salvation. YOU'RE my tourniquet! Don't let me fade so easily... otherwise-

_"I want to die!!!"_

I can't feel you there... you're no where to be found.

This pain!! It tears deeper within my breast. I can no longer... breathe... it hurts to breathe... my breath is fading. The crimson regret and betrayal pours even more. I can barely see it bathing my hand. God just let me go? Let me die!! My Tourniquet hasn't come to save me, to repent my salvation.

But I don't deserve it...

_"My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation"_

I may long for her to come, for my savior, for my Tourniquet... but she shall not. I don't deserve redemption, I don't deserve salvation.

I am a beast, a killing machine- and that I shall remain.

This pouring blood from my chest is a signal of my death... I shall no longer be a part of this realm.

I shall be free.... but alone once more... alone... within my fucking spirit.... alone...

I cry for the grave... my soul cries... it longs for it...

_"My wounds cry for the grave  
My soul cries for deliverance  
Will I be denied Christ"_

The grave... grant me permission to my grave? Let this suffering end once and for all. My wounds are crying for it, so should it be fair to allow me permission?

My soul... since I no longer have a reason to be here....

My soul cries for deliverance! Give my soul deliverance, as it remains one of my only wishes...

But in the end, must it come to be, will I be denied Christ? My soul, my pain, my inhumane acts, my deeds of darkness, my stubborn attitude, my betrayal, my regret, my fucking existence... everything leads to denial of Christ... for it was meant to be...

_"Tourniquet"_

Kagome... she was my Tourniquet, my only savior who remained standing. But I even lost her from this damned transformation. She wished not to see me in such a manner, so her only option was to flee.

The blood loss increases as I raise my hand once more to the wound. Should I just end it now? My cries for the grave have yet to be granted. Should I relieve my very existence at my own hands? Shall it be for the best?

Let my hands encompass my life and crush it quickly, ending all suffering caused.

There shall be no triumph without loss; I shall be that loss.

There shall be no victory without suffering; I have gone through that suffering.

There shall be no freedom without sacrifice; I shall be that sacrifice.

As I guide my hand to my chest wound, I flex my claws for the final seal of death. The end will be brief and quick, closing everything for final. I shall bring forth the ending, creating the arrival of a new beginning. 

I, Inuyasha, have gone through more than any person or living being could possibly comprehend, and I leave it with many to question: Did his Tourniquet ever save him?

The simple answer to your question as I bid farewell...

_"My suicide"_

A/N: And there ya have it... the tragic ending of Inuyasha and the song, "My Tourniquet." Fill me in on your thoughts and tell me if I should continue my little idea of placing a song from Evanescence for each character! Ja ne! ^~_  
  
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